 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
http://www.nytimes.com/2007/04/10/health/10gene.html?_r=1&pagewanted=2&ei=5087%0A&em&en=931923a564fed9e9&ex=1176436800Third is a mechanism for long-term attachment that induces people to stay together long enough to complete their parental duties.
Romantic love, which in its intense early stage “can last 12-18 months,” is a universal human phenomenon, Dr. Fisher wrote last year in The Proceedings of the Royal Society, and is likely to be a built-in feature of the brain. Brain imaging studies show that a particular area of the brain, one associated with the reward system, is activated when subjects contemplate a photo of their lover.http://www.economist.com/blogs/freeexchange/2007/05/the_ball_and_chain.cfmWhile these are all contributing factors, I think a more rational mechanism is also to blame. When people enter a relationship, they go through what Oliver Williamson termed the Fundamental Transformation. They invest in relationship-specific assets such as knowledge of each other’s tastes and quirks, routines that allow them to coordinate their schedules, and memories of special moments in their history. If they eventually move in together, the joint living space is yet another relationship-specific asset that requires a substantial investment in packing, decorating, and so on.
The value of all these assets would depreciate substantially upon the relationship’s demise. Knowledge of tastes and quirks goes unused, routines become obsolete, memories go sour. And for those who have moved in together, breaking up with each other often means breaking up with the home as well.
The existence of relationship-specific assets raises a current partner’s value relative to potential mates on the singles market. That means two things. First, we shouldn’t be surprised to see people stay with their current partners even when they could probably “do better,” because doing so means abandoning all those assets and (eventually) investing in new ones.A part of the reason why I do not want to venture into romantic relationships with anyone anymore is how painfully, painfully obvious the cyclical nature of 90% of them are. I can't play the game and again wait for my emotions or their emotions to ebb and all the little important things that make a relationship jive fall into disuse and eventually be lost.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Why complain about something if you aren't willing to try and resolve whatever problem you are having? Yes, there's always "Arrgh what a crappy day," and things beyond your control, like other people in a work environment, but when you are unhappy about your life or with someone who knows you well enough to be open with? Is it really better to whine about it and do nothing?
I guess social ramifications are an issue, as much as I get sad about feeling left out sometimes I get very awkward around people I feel like I can't be myself around.
I think I'd be honest with what I think before I worry about how people will react, but trust me if I don't start getting paranoid...
I think I learned from my less than healthy relationship with my family is that you can say how you feel or what you mean about something, maybe get offended or mad, but get over it and still care for each other. The fact that I feel like most people don't feel that way (or, selfishly, about me) makes being how I've learned to care a very sensitive series of tiptoeing and regret and moments of complete unabashed bluntness.
All I can do is continue to tell people to be honest with me as I wish to be them, I think. If people were just more honest with each other, so much conflict and tension could be dissipated... but people you have conflicts with beyond petty things would probably become more apparent. To me, a good trade off. I feel much better knowing exactly where I stand with somebody.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Previous 
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
sigh.