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Bwahaha, thanks Leland! - Elena's Journal
Bwahaha, thanks Leland!

-#70: Difficult Breakups
Once breakup proceedings have been initiated, a white person is immediately thrust into the center of attention in their circle of friends. During this time, they are permitted to talk at great lengths about themselves, listen to The Smiths, and get free dinners from friends who think “they shouldn’t be alone right now.”

-#77: Musical Comedy

-#84: T-Shirts
The second acceptable new shirt is Threadless. This Chicago-based company produces artistic and funny t-shirts that are acceptable for concerts, Whole Foods and 80s night. White people like these shirts so much because they are designed by white people, for white people. Sort of like a white FUBU.

-#58: Japan
It is a dream for them to go over seas and actually live in Japan. This helps them not only because it fills their need to travel, it will enable them to gain important leverage over other white people at Sushi restaurants where they can say “this place is pretty good, but living in Japan really spoiled me. I’ve had such a hard time finding a really authentic place.”

-#55: Apologies
White people know that their ancestors did some messed up things. As a result, it has become hard wired for them to apologize for almost anything. In fact, white people are so used to apologizing that they start all sentences that might cause disagreement with “I’m sorry.” For example “I’m sorry, but Garden State was a better film than Hard Eight.”

-#35: The Daily Show/Colbert Report
The Daily Show/Colbert makes up a duo that is held in such high regard by white people that to criticize it would be the equivalent of setting the pope on fire in Italy in 1822. It just isn’t done, in fact it isn’t even considered! White people love to make fun of politics, especially right wing politics. It’s a pretty easy target and makes for some decent humor, but white people are actually starting to believe that these two shows are becoming legitimate news sources.

-#20: Being an Expert on YOUR Culture
White people are pretty conflicted about their culture. One way they can make up for it is becoming marginally acquainted with foreign cultures. It is generally acceptable for a white person to learn a few terms in a language spoken primary by non-whites. They can then use these phrases to order certain ‘more authentic’ dishes in restaurants. When they actually meet someone from that country, or at least who has parents from that country they cannot wait to engage you in all the details that they have learned.

White people love ethnic diversity, but only as it relates to restaurants. Many white people from cities like Los Angeles, San Francisco and New York will spend hours talking about how great it is that they can get Sushi and Tacos on the same street. But then they send their kids to private school with other rich white kids, and live in neighborhoods like Santa Monica or Pacific Palisades.

But it’s important to note that white people to do not like to be called out on this fact. If you run an ethnic restaurant you can be guaranteed repeat business and huge tips if you act like your white customers are adventurous and cultured for eating food that it isn’t sandwiches or pasta.

Things White People Like I Don't Like (but I know people who do):
Dogs, Bottled Water, Marijuana, 80s Night, Marathons, Wine, Microbreweries, Assists, Coffee

Tags: ,
Current Music: Ben Folds - Bastard

2 comments or Leave a comment
jpak From: jpak Date: March 13th, 2008 08:00 pm (UTC) (Link)
How dare you don't like Asian Girls. D:
elena From: elena Date: March 14th, 2008 12:31 am (UTC) (Link)
oh jeez, im sorry. will remove immediately. was thinking like the stupid white guys and stuff
2 comments or Leave a comment