So that didn't work.

Droopy, who owes me for over eight months in rent, tells me he won't return my chainmail shirt until I find all the magic cards I gave away (that were cards both he and i bought, none of his older stuff -- trust me if he left those here they would all be sold) and send them to him, and/or find some aluminum plate mail that got lost in the plot cabin over three years ago. All the things I ever did for him mean nothing now.

Droopy has turned out to be the biggest creep. He was an emotional and financial parasite in my life. Hung on and sucked me dry emotionally, and I was too naive to know better. I feel used and upset, and the last straw was that he owes my parents well over the $500 dollars for the phone bill he rang up by stalking another girl. If he hadn't done that, and had he made an effort -- ANY EFFORT -- to pay back my parents, even if it was ten dollars here and there, than I wouldn't have pushed on the things I wanted back. But you DO NOT MESS WITH MY FOLKS.

That's why I am angry and acting childish -- he took advantage of me in every way possible. This is why I do not want to date, this is why I have anxiety issues about dating or being in a relationship -- I cannot stand the idea of being trapped, obligated, stuck. It is safer and I am happier to be my own person.

This deserves to be public, because if I ever fucked someone over this badly, ever I'd expect the same done to me.

So yeah. Don't fuck with me emotionally or financially, and DO NOT fuck with my family. If you follow those rules, it may not be sunshine and rainbows but I promise to be the best friend I possibly can.

EDIT: Btw, I'm not condemning guys on a whole -- the reason I'm not dating is because of my issues, not theirs :)

EDIT DEUX: I really thought you guys were going to think I was a douche for saying all that stuff. I appreciate your support of my pissed-offery.

Tags: droopy, emo, life, llamas, train wreck
Current Mood: tired

I am TIRED of feeling like I am the guilty party. I have tried to be nice and considerate and friendly, and it has led to someone I deeply care about acting like a retard AND, whether it was on purpose or not, has probably permanently scarred and decreased the success rating on my current relationship, which I am extremely devoted to making work out to the best of my ability.

I told Droopy I was having second thoughts on whether or not I made the right decision relationship wise, because right now I feel like MY WHOLE LIFE is fraying at the edges and seams. I feel, intrinsically, the loss of our friendship and relationship.

But it was MY CHOICE. Sadly, since I am the one responsible for the breakup, I am feeling like I am getting moped at through livejournal continuously, which is why I haven't said anything substantial til now.

I am REALLY FUCKING PISSED OFF at the fact that all of these personal things are being posted on this stupid website. That all of this aptly-named dirty laundry has been deemed appropriate to post, publicly, here, for all of our social circle to peruse and comment on. I MAKE A POINT OF KEEPING SHIT LIKE THIS PRIVATE. But since I'M the guilty party, I've let it slide and allow myself to be a target of ridicule.

Well this is how I see it.

My relationship with Droopy should have ended months ago. I stuck with him because I cared about him and his well being, and allowed him to accrue quite a bit of debt on my personal line of credit because I knew he was in a bad spot, mentally perhaps as well as financially. I had also stayed with him because he was safe, drama-free, and we were comfortable with each other.

But that was a part of why I was unhappy too: it was too comfortable, it was too routine. I need change and needed change for awhile -- it was my first real relationship, ever. I knew from the beginning that I didn't want to marry him or be with him forever -- I told him that, continuously. And I tried, and now regret, to make him be the one to break up with me by being mean and distant. I just had a really hard time doing it on my own.

He says that people are saying that I fucked up, that I lost out, etc. Well theres two sides to every story and perhaps some people are only hearing what they want. But anybody who has had the gall to talk to me directly on the issue has told me this has been a long time coming.

Sure, I didn't do it the right way, and I still feel bad about it. But I am tired of how the other party hasn't been doing it right post-relationship. I guess it was perhaps again my mistake to try and be nice and open about my emotions -- I feel lost a lot, and second guess myself -- but thats not an invitation to sit on my living room floor without having heard from me about what my plans were. If I don't pick up the phone, would one not assume that I am not expecting them? (It turns itself off since I dropped it in coke)

And I never said "never" (at least I hope not). I told him that I don't want to see him or talk to him until he can get over loving me. I'm sorry that that seems like it will take a long time.

All of this is really fucking with my mind and my life. I just want the drama to stop. TAKE YOUR LLAMA AND EAT IT.

Tags: drama, droopy, emo