So that didn't work.

Droopy, who owes me for over eight months in rent, tells me he won't return my chainmail shirt until I find all the magic cards I gave away (that were cards both he and i bought, none of his older stuff -- trust me if he left those here they would all be sold) and send them to him, and/or find some aluminum plate mail that got lost in the plot cabin over three years ago. All the things I ever did for him mean nothing now.

Droopy has turned out to be the biggest creep. He was an emotional and financial parasite in my life. Hung on and sucked me dry emotionally, and I was too naive to know better. I feel used and upset, and the last straw was that he owes my parents well over the $500 dollars for the phone bill he rang up by stalking another girl. If he hadn't done that, and had he made an effort -- ANY EFFORT -- to pay back my parents, even if it was ten dollars here and there, than I wouldn't have pushed on the things I wanted back. But you DO NOT MESS WITH MY FOLKS.

That's why I am angry and acting childish -- he took advantage of me in every way possible. This is why I do not want to date, this is why I have anxiety issues about dating or being in a relationship -- I cannot stand the idea of being trapped, obligated, stuck. It is safer and I am happier to be my own person.

This deserves to be public, because if I ever fucked someone over this badly, ever I'd expect the same done to me.

So yeah. Don't fuck with me emotionally or financially, and DO NOT fuck with my family. If you follow those rules, it may not be sunshine and rainbows but I promise to be the best friend I possibly can.

EDIT: Btw, I'm not condemning guys on a whole -- the reason I'm not dating is because of my issues, not theirs :)

EDIT DEUX: I really thought you guys were going to think I was a douche for saying all that stuff. I appreciate your support of my pissed-offery.

Tags: droopy, emo, life, llamas, train wreck
Current Mood: tired

Seeing that I'm in a good enough mood to make an entry thats honest and full, for the first time in a month or so, and I have something to procrastinate on (hoods!), I'm going to lay it all out here.

I'm a failure.

Well, not really. As much as I realize I've had a whole lot of little shit occur to me, I also at the same time realizing how fucking lucky I am. So, with that in mind, I'll just push.. things.. forward. And here we go.

I'm not going to be in school this semester. Hell, I don't know when I'll be back. My plan is a year or two, and to take some classes in the meantime online to bring my 2.9795 GPA back up to a 3.0+. I decided when I got fired that financially, I really can't handle the house and school and work all at the same time. It turns out that it wouldn't have mattered anyway -- I got turned down on the loan after all. :B I've been a less than perfect homeowner, so it probably reflects on my credit report right now. So no school, no steady job, and a bunch of bills coming up. I also have no health insurance and that really worries me.

But! I have my own home. I also have two sewing machines (one is being shipped to me) and a serger, and art supplies to satiate my creative processes. I have four cats. I have awesome friends, electricity, and food. And internet access. And a good family who are willing to help me go to public college when I'm ready to go back. I have all the basics, so I am blessed and I really shouldn't complain. While there's still a nearby precipice, I'm holding on still.

I have the world's WORST work ethic. Like no joke. That's step one -- working on my laziness. Its not something I've ever been good about. But thats really my next goal -- becoming a useful, driven person. I almost had it this summer but all my goals kind of fell apart. But its really no matter right now, because I have the means to get by for now.

SO HAY GUYS DO ME A FAVOR AND ORDER COSTUMING AND WEAPONS FROM ME! (Though you should order weapons from Thane Molnar too) A lot of you are doing that already and it helps a lot. But please, for the love of your chosen deity or swear word try to give me a month's heads up!

I'm looking into real jobs as well so don't give me some spiel about the real world -- i get it enough as it is!

As it is there's some tentative plans between me and some better driven people than me to put together a small business and I'm hoping to be all over it. I enjoy making stuff, and its something I seem to be relatively okay at. So I want to see where this will go :)

Tags: life
Current Mood: borderline

It sat tall outside my neighbor's porch, and immediately I thought: "I want that. I have room for that." And then I thought, "How the hell am I going to get it upstairs?"

Thankfully, I have the coolest neighbors ever. They immediately offered to help me move it in. Funnily enough, this bookshelf has made some small passes around the neighborhood. The man who helped me move it had given it to the woman who i obtained it from eight years ago. :)

More serious entry later.

Tags: life, materialism

Getting a lot of stuff done. The living room is a mess again. I am a tornado. Or maybe a hurricane.

I saw Leland a couple times this week. I went over her place to get Glen's favor and tabard and we had lunch at the Australian Bakery. Then yesterday we hung out and did crafty goodness.

Saw Hellboy 2 with Jay and loved it. <3

I am halfway through batch 1 of weapons for Clanthia. Get any last minute orders in now plz. Feel free to double check with me on items you have ordered.

Work last night was fun. I like doing sales. I think I irritate one of my bosses. : / It was college night and for about two hours it was kind of a mad house. But a fun mad house!

I had to buy jeans for work and since I was late I grabbed the first thing on the shelf at Target. Fate was kind and I like them. :)

Uhhh... should probably sleep now. I still have a ton of crap to do... eek

Tags: life

The last week has been pretty awesome, in spite of feeling RAWR. Lots of crafting, plotting, and seeing of friends :) Where to start...

I finished all of Leland's stuff and I'm pretty happy with it all. The gauzey wrap pants are what I like the least I think. But its the first time I worked with that stuff :P otherwise i think its all good.

Delfin had me make him a tabard and a headband, and hung out and watched LOTR with me while I worked. He paid me in candy. I can accept this ;P

I actually rewatched all the movies lately -- it was the first time I saw Return of the King in the extended format. Waaay better than the regular length, for sure. It also helped that I skipped all the parts with Sam and Frodo. :) The discs need more on them about costuming...

Later in the week Jay stopped back by -- he had come over earlier in the week for WALL-E, and had to come back for some phys reps to take to Smoor. I painted some stuff for him (a sign, walls, and an axe), and we hung out for awhile. Delfin came over to get the rest of his stuff and we just hung around and chatted for while. It was nice :) I like having good friends who are cool with just chillin'.

I went to the Stitch and Bitch at Jessyka's and we worked on some phys reps for SOLAR. They're going to be super awesome fantastic and I'll take pictures :D I also had a really good time. I love making stuff, and its good to be in a room with a bunch of girls I actually like, zomg. :B

Yesterday I went with Leland to SteveO's barbecue. Spent the whole time listening to Brian talk, essentially. Was good though, exercised my brain. :) Got to see a lot of people, hear lots of stories. Next time will make a point to hang with SteveO more. Leland gave me some super cool ocean theme bottles :D she should come over and hang so i'll give her her costuming :B

Leland is the only person I get to geek about Tamora Pierce to. She's coming to Dcon! And I messaged her through livejournal at tammypierce and we have tentative plans for lunch on saturday of that weekend. Best birfday present evar!

Today I explored Intown Quilting, which is behind the North Dekalb Mall Macy's, less than a mile from Nicole's apartment. I drooled on myself, almost. So much pretty fabric... sigh

And I've been lazy all evening since. I got favors to make! I'll get on it.

Tags: crafty, life
Current Music: portishead - its a fire

( SOLAR-related )

( Real Life Related )

Tags: life, solar

Girls With Slingshots is really bumming me out. : /



Sucks to completely understand the whole damn story, too. Doesn't mean I don't feel bad for them...

Tags: comics, life

Its really cute to watch Eugene sleeping. Its like the only time he's cute, too. Cause he's a monster. Yesterday night I had him on one side of the couch nuzzled up to my hip, and mama kitty on the other, them both twitching while sleeping/dreaming. I had a cute attack :)

I love my babies, but I'd like to find Izzy and Shortbus another home because of issues we've had in the past with the neighbors. If anyone would like a pair of cuties, let me know. Or my birds -- I just kind of need the space they're in and I did get sidled with them originally by my mom who won't take them back :P

I went to Renfaire with Vern, Jay, and Chad and Jacque's son Jareth. Hung out a lil with Leland and Holly as well, and ran into my friend Matt. Got to see my favorite faire people - Arik, Simon, Brian, the lady at the hat booth, Julia. Didn't run into Sylvia or her son, who I worked for the last couple of years. I of course got asked awkward questions, but it wasn't too bad. Didn't get to see much in the way of shows but i was sad my favorite Washing Well Wenches weren't here, so the show kind of sucked :P I may end up going back if someone leaves me a comp ticket :) would like to get to socialize more with everybody.

Sunday I went to the Pow Wow in Jasper with Scott. The weather was fucking awesome. I had a good bit of fun looking at the crafts and watching some of the shows. I went to bed early after that and ended up waking up around 11 and walking around the suburban areas around here, cause the weather was still fantastic. Have to drink it in cause the rest of the summer is going to suck serious balls.

I had lunch with Nicole today, was nice as usual :) I haven't done much else though, I've been feeling tired. I'm going to make some stuff I think.

Tags: life

The last six months of my life, if not the last year or even longer, have now come full circle. I can't say this "novel" in the "saga" is done yet, because I still feel like I need to write the conclusion; but otherwise, the main text is done with. On to the next book! :)

Revisiting places from my past really instigates these sorts of feelings in me, and I hope they're not misplaced. But from my last serious livejournal entry (which is friends only, sorry) I think you guys could tell that I had concluded some important chapters. Now I feel like I have the chance -- if I take it -- to make the next part a pretty impressive one.

In plain, unidealistic speech, I traveled to North Carolina this week, exactly six months and 2 days after my 21st birthday, which was the last time was there. It was odd seeing the Nantahala again. Scott was with me, just like we were for my birthday.

We drove past this point though, to Asheville. Scott went to go pick up his motorcycle, to ride it for the first time since a dear friend of his passed away in an accident. We then went on to Cherokee, and I realized that I had been there before, with my Grandparents when I was 11 or so.

We stayed at this awesome little lodge-motel that was home to a giant herd of ducks. It was cute, but almost disturbing. After unpacking, I had my first motorcycle ride ever. Six months ago, my reaction to such an idea would have been "fuck no; those things are fucking dangerous and kill people." how things change. :) for the better, I think.

When we went on to ride through the park and I remembered the places I had gone with my grandparents -- the little historical village (theres video of me and my cousin in the creek near it somewhere), the mill, a park we ate in together. It was a real memory kicker.

We moved on, though, and drove all the way to Gatlinburg and back. The park was superb, even without the foliage. It was a nice way to see the park actually, it allowed a better appreciation of rivers, creeks, waterfalls that would have been obscured otherwise. We stopped from time to time to hop around in the woods. I'll post pictures later, I have a bunch of pretty awesome pictures :) Gatlinburg was pretty much a tourist trap and disgusting. But riding around all day was really fun. I found a vehicle I can be a passenger on for hours and not get nauseous! Yay!

Thats it in a nutshell. But sometimes the profound importance of a personal experience can't or shouldn't really be expressed in words. :)

Tags: life, travel
Current Music: Third Eye Blind - Motorcycle Drive By